Through my Eyes: My feelings
Austin McGillion - Columnist
Austin McGillion - ColumnistAustin McGillion - Columnist | August 28, 2014
Austin McGillion - Columnist
I, Austin Connor McGillion, have something I’d like to share from the bottom of my heart with my readers, family, and friends.
I am a tall and physically strong person, but I don’t think people know how sensitive I am to the things people say to me. What may seem like harmless joking can take me down into a pit of despair and sadness. I am upset right now as I write, because I had a disagreement with my grandmother so I decided to share my feelings with you in the hope that I can get this off my chest and work past it.
I find when I am upset that the words flow forth and I can express how I feel much easier in writing than I can by talking. Writing helps me forget about bad things that have happened, and it helps me work through things I keep bottled up inside. Writing things out also allows me to vent my anger and frustration without hurting anyone else’s feelings. No one else has to suffer besides my poor keyboard.
I don’t know why certain things hurt me. Something as simple as “you’re not doing this correctly so please try to do it like this” can throw me into a downward spiral. I get angry and leave the room thinking to myself “you’re useless” and “I can’t do anything right, all you do is mess things up.” I’m not sure why I think this. Perhaps it’s because when I was younger my step dad used to tell me I wasn’t doing this or that right and I was useless. Most people grow out of that rather quickly, but unfortunately it stuck in the back of my mind, so whenever I make a mistake I say to myself “you don’t live up to expectations.”
To be honest, I always felt that my step father liked my siblings more than me because they were his kids and I wasn’t. I was my mother’s son, but not his. When my little brother was born I suddenly turned invisible in his eyes except when he wanted someone to blame. I understand that part of this is a trait of Autism/Asperger’s and that we don’t handle criticism very well. I try now to rethink my actions, but it is always after the fact, I can’t seem to prevent those feeling from overcoming me when I am being corrected.
The point I’m trying to make is that if I’m not doing something right don’t just bluntly tell me “hey you’re doing that wrong.” Take time to say there is a better way and show me very precisely how I can improve on my task. This will cut out a lot of the resounding sadness inside of my head. If you see that I am having a bad day, there’s a good chance I need to be alone to sort it out so correcting me may have to wait.
I know I have to learn to deal with things like criticism and being corrected as I will face these situations a great deal in everyday life. I just ask that you be patient.
AUSTIN MCGILLION is a columnist for The Highlander.
AUSTIN MCGILLION is a columnist for The Highlander. - See more at:http://highlanderonline.ca/through-my-eyes-politically-correct?id=800#sthash.5QkTb1AS.dpuf