The Outsider: Hunting a hole new way
|By Will Jones - The Outsider | April 26, 2018|
We’re into the first hunting season of the year and, oh, it’s exciting. I guess you could say that I’m slaying it, so to speak. How are you doing? It’s my first year but I’ve got at least 37 confirmed kills, all from behind the wheel of my truck. I’ve seen guys doing it on foot but I feel more comfortable, more adept when I’m gunning from my truck, if you know what I mean.
Oh, you thought I meant wild turkeys!
Holy moly, no, that would be some real crazy hunting for gobblers. And kind of illegal, too! No, I’m talking about the annual pothole season. I heard them talking about it on CBC radio the other morning and a municipal guy in Toronto, obviously an expert pothole hunter, said that he and his team were closing in on the 100,000
“It’s the most remarkable pothole season that I’ve ever seen,” he said. “Normally, we’re looking at around 60-80,000 by mid-April, but this year is a record breaker. What with the crazy weather of the past couple of weeks, we’re finding them all over the place.”
That’s how I got into pothole hunting; listening to this super pumped guy on the radio. It was a lot more interesting than hearing another spat between Doug Ford and Kathleen Wynne but that wouldn’t be difficult. Anyhow, it seems that he sends out parties of hunters throughout the city, day and night. Yes, nighttime hunting is allowed. Forward teams identify good targets and then the big guns are sent in to sweep through and terminate the potholes with extreme prejudice. Sounds cool, eh.
And since becoming interested in pothole hunting I’ve noticed others who are doing it locally, too. There are some hardy souls that do it by hand, leaping out of trucks, throwing asphalt at the pothole, to blind it I guess, and then bludgeoning it to death with shovels. Seems a little too like the seal cull for me but then again you Canadians got pretty tetchy when the rest of the world said that was a bad idea, so ‘ave at ‘er!
For my part, I simply drive around county roads and it is amazing just how many potholes seem to jump out right into my path. The small ones are no bother. A quick bump bump and they’re done. The big ones are more tricky though, there’s more potential for real damage: kind of like the difference between squishing a squirrel
and running down a deer. These big ones have to be tackled with care because they can jerk you right off the road, or badly damage a wheel if not hit square on at just the right speed. And you want to make sure
of a clean kill, too, right.
Like I said, I’m in my first season but I reckon I’m getting the hang of the pothole hunt and I’m enjoying it too. I think it’s a hunt that everyone should try at least once because potholes are really common this
year, and far less wily than those turkeys, too.
WILL JONES - is The Outsider