The Outsider: Mowing, or should that read moaning?
|By Will Jones - The Outsider |June 13, 2019|
There’s a fireworks ban in Minden, and did I read Dysart is following suit? Too noisy, it seems and they scare the pets as well. That is the long and short of it, I think.
For my part, I like fireworks, but then again I am English and our Guy Fawkes celebrations do only happen once a year, in November, when most semi-intelligent pets are curled up by the fire (the house fire not the bonfire).
I have no quarrel with folks who like fireworks, but then again I can’t blame the guy who lives next to a serial rocket launcher for not wanting the darn things going off every weekend, and, if there are enough local folks who feel this way, then council must act.
And it is in this vein that I want everyone to approach my pet peeve, my biggest annoyance, the blight on my life. The sound of lawn mowers.
There I am, on a Saturday morning. The start of my relaxing weekend. Breakfast is done and I’m smiling. What now? Renovations, of course. I get out the skillsaw, the nail gun, sawzall and hammer drill. But then, before I can fire a nail, rev that saw, tear down a wall, there, in the distance, is the monotonous roar of a neighbour’s lawn mower. ‘Brrrrrrrrrrrrr.’
It is as if my lovely wife’s hearing is tuned just to that lawn mower’s frequency because within a minute, she’s at the kitchen door asking (while really already knowing the answer): “do you think our lawn needs mowing, dear?”
I’m on a ladder, trying to install aluminum soffit. I look out at our lawn. Yes, it needs mowing. Little Z is out there somewhere but I can’t see him because the grass is too long. We had a swing set once. I saw it again this winter but now it’s disappeared. The vegetable garden, ha. That got swallowed up by weeds and grass last year. Yes, the lawn needs mowing. Our grass is too long but, oh how I hate pushing that God forsaken machine around my backyard, only for the ungrateful grass, not satisfied with its half-assed crew cut to grow back within a week.
And so, I say we should ban lawn mowing on the weekends because I swear that if my lovely wife didn’t hear that distant drone of a neighbour’s mower, she’d carry on about her day oblivious to the length of our lawn. She’d be happy living in the nature, rather than trying to coiffure it. She’d not make me mow the lawn.
Here’s the thing. There are other folks out there just like me, being badgered into chopping the top off the grass just because someone, somewhere nearby is making that ‘brrrrrrrrr’ sound. Get council to ban it apart from on public holidays and we’ll be laughing. Are you with me? Oh, and just in case that argument hadn’t quite swayed you, my dog Jeff, he’s so afraid of our lawn mower that he hides in the long grass until it’s gone.
WILL JONES - is The Outsider