Jack Brezina: Lock your doors!

By Jack Brezina - Contributing Writer  |  August 17, 2018

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You may not have noticed, but, just a couple of weeks ago, we quietly slipped into August. It is once again time to lock your vehicles.

 

It was most likely the heat or the oppressive humidity … perhaps it was the seemingly more frequent power outages that played havoc with your electronic calendar. But any doubt quickly vanished when traffic overload clogged our highways and the selection of shopping carts at your favourite food emporium dwindled to the

one on which all four wheels are wonky, turning your milk purchase into butter as you trundled about the store.

 

But, as surely as the log pile inspectors are roaming the countryside looking for egregious infractions, we have crossed the great summer divide and begun the inevitable downward slide toward autumn and, yikes(!), the return to school. 

For those unfamiliar with the breadth of writing one can encounter under this byline, the “log pile inspectors” was a column penned three years ago warning my faithful readers of the insidious intrusion of the authorities into our lives as sharp-eyed investigators were sent cruising the backroads of the county to search out and issue citations for misaligned woodpiles. It is expected with the new regime in Queen’s Park, this violation of

our right to pile as we please, will disappear forever. (The jurisdiction for this creeping left-wing conspiracy is believed to fall under the Ministry of Labour, so we can expect a prompt resolution of the matter). In the meantime, keep your piles neatened and your butts aligned.

 

But, now is the time to take additional precautions to ensure that your car or truck is locked at all times when unattended. As accustomed as we are to just walking away from our vehicles and leaving the door unlocked and the windows ajar, now is the time to exercise additional vigilance. Use the locking option on the key fob, the one that activates a short beep of your vehicle’s horn and makes passersby turn, look and wave, like it was a friendly toot from a passing ship. August is full-lockdown mode month with all entry points secured.

 

There are those who scoff at this admonition, and they do so at their peril.

 

I know one individual with a reckless attitude, who thought, when he was just going into the post office for a moment and could ignore the warning, returned to his vehicle to discover the ugly truth. There, to his bruised chagrin, on the front seat, beside the open window. lay evidence of the folly of his actions … a dozen zucchini

and three acorn squash. Yes, dear reader, this foolhardy person was the victim of a friendly vegetable giveaway.

 

This time of year, when gardens in the Highlands groan under the weight of nature’s bounty, desperate gardeners begin a frantic search for “friends” upon whom they can thrust their over-flowing harvest. Not wishing a zucchini, cucumber or squash to go to waste, they wander the streets in search of unprotected vehicles and, like children left in baskets on the doorsteps of convents all over the world, dispatch their

garden surplus through any open window or unlocked door. They do so in the hope that the newfound home for the vegetables will welcome the orphan produce into their hearts and will know how to process them into muffins, frittatas, waffles, stir fries, quiche, deep fried vegetable sticks, soup, crudo, pizza, cornbread, fritters, meatballs, ratatouille, lasagna, pistou, bread, brownies, cake, cookies and cobbler.

 

Ignore this warning at your peril my friends and save a little pity for those driving pickup trucks with open boxes. 

 

Jack Brezina is a contributing writer for The Highlander.